Counseling and Childhood baggages

I have been attending accredited Counselling course run by Person to Person, Hyderabad, for quite some time now. There are six modules, each consisting of one week classes with assignments. I have completed three and would be attending the fourth one by the end of this month. On the lighter side, my friends and relatives keep asking me, why am I studying even at this age? Will I ever stop attending courses and studies? When will it all end? And more embarrassingly they ask, what will I do with all those certificates one gets on completing the courses? Well, to be precise, I do not know the answer to any of these. I can only say that I love studies! Any one who can love studies and exams, you would consider, as a nut case or a nerd! May be I am, a bit of both! In my defense, there is a saying in Tamil, "What you have learnt is only fistful, but what you have yet to learn is about the size of the world." (I am transliterating here) So you see one can keep on studying, for there is no dearth of subjects you can study and ultimately be also of some use to humanity. It keeps your brain active too, keeping it engaged, exercising its 'muscles!'

One thing I have learnt in all these counselling courses is how much people are hurting, not necessarily due to their own fault. Some one is dealing with a break in the marriage, going through divorce proceedings; some one is sorting out childhood sexual abuse from a trusted person; some one is crying over a husband, who had walked away taking the only child with him; marital problems, emotional problems, physical problems - oh, how people are hurting in this world of ours. 

Another thing that comes our crystal clear is, most of these problems, which people face as adults have their origins in childhood. We all carry a baggage from childhood as we come to adulthood and face the world, and then problems that lay hidden, all begin to surface. A person who had not received love from the mother, when he was a child, shows symptoms of 'rejection' as an adult. He is not able to love any one deeply, for he has not received such a love as a child. He is not able to trust anyone, for he has not experienced love and couldn't trust  the parent/s, as a child. A mother could have given such a feeling of un-love to her child, may be because she was busy, travelling, or dealing with her own emotional problems, or due to prejudices she had absorbed as a child. Finally the man, as an adult, suffers and his wife and children suffer too, facing the consequences.

Rejection is just one such problems, but serves as a sample. So what can we do that we do not damage the personality of our children, who have been entrusted under our care? 

I am giving the following tips, especially for those who are young mothers now or those who are expecting to become mothers.

1. Love and cherish the children when they are young. They need it. Let them know that they are welcome into this family and the world. 

2. Cuddle them a lot, let them have the physical assurance of your love and their tactile sensors are to be nurtured.  

3. Be firm and discipline them, and do not indulge them, just because they are to be loved, or they be single children or being brought up by single mothers. Or else they could become like the 'little emperors' common in China, demanding and being selfish.

4. Resist from writing your desires as messages in their minds, which at that young age are just fresh and like clean slates; they come into the world with no prejudices and it is we who give it all to them. I couldn't be a Doctor, so I will instill that desire in my child from childhood, a father may think. You might achieve your dream, but the personality of the child will be badly damaged.

5. Teach them about wrong touches and be vigilant about who is around them at home and elsewhere. 

6. Raise the child on the strong and sure foundation of Christian belief, prayers, worship, Bible study and morals as taught in the scripture. When the child grows up s/he will not go astray. In today's world of multicultural and religiously pluralistic culture, this is important. 

Well, these are researched and found out, from my own experience and life and also from the counseling courses I attended. I do understand that parents themselves could be products of wounded- self, and are not perfect. So we need to rely a lot on the Lord to help us in raising our children and thereafter. I am hoping that these will be of some use to some one somewhere in this world.