Death and the Dying

It is surprising that we know so little about death and the dying, even though people are dying all around us, of old age, accidents, illnesses like cancer, war, terrorist attacks and so on. Sometimes we are so scared of talking about it, an unpleasant and may be unnecessary topic to engage in. Nonetheless people of certain profession need to engage in such matters day in and day out. Doctors, nurses, Pastors, counselors and may be psychiatrists. These people cannot avoid seeing people die, sometimes in their hands and deal with such situations. Even so they also are not really comfortable talking about such topics.

I recently read a book “On Death and Dying,” by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a book prescribed for reading for my fourth session of Counseling course, conducted by ‘Person to Person,’ a training Institution on counseling, run by Dr. Samson Gandhi, with head office in Hyderabad. It was an eyes opener. Dr. Kubler-Ross and some theological and medical students had undertaken interviewing of some 200 odd terminally ill patients in the University of Chicago Billings hospital, to see how these people on the verge of death feel and what are their wants and needs, so that they can be better attended to, when they are confined to the hospital. This work had turned into a monumental work, for it has opened the eyes of the medical professionals and the families of the dying, and taught them what such people feel and how to care for these people, who are at the verge of death.

Dr. Kubler-Ross describes five stages these people go through when they come to know they are affected by a disease for which there is no cure and that it is fatal. The terminally ill people first deny that such a fate has come to be theirs. At this stage they consult many doctors, take up many tests hoping that some where the doctors could have wrongly diagnosed or the tests done might be wrong. Once it dawns on them that the diagnosis is correct, then they get angry, angry with every one, any and every healthy person and angry with God, asking this pertinent question, “Why me?” Then they move on to the third stage, where they start to bargain with the medical doctors or God, if they believe in one, that they may be given time, a few years more, so that they can finish with the unfinished tasks of their life. A child to graduate, parents to be taken care of, marriage of the daughter to be attended to, legal matters to be settled and so on. Once they realize that they do not have that type of time, they sink into deep depression, mired in their own sorrow and suffering. Finally comes the stage of acceptance, acceptance of the fact that they are going to die and they start saying good bye to friends and family and giving instructions regarding the funeral and such other arrangements, getting ready to leave this world, with peace in their heart.

Of course, not everyone goes through all these stages, neither are these stages gone through consecutively. Some might get stuck at the angry stage itself; some might progress through to the final stage of acceptance early on; some will fight to the end. Nevertheless there will always a hope, a hope that a miracle might happen or a new medicine might be discovered, which might pull them through.

It was also found that the religiously strong persons, who had faith in God and an afterlife, and were ready to face their Maker, were the ones who were able to face death with equanimity and peace. It gave them a strong sense of being taken care by God, who knew the best and that they will be with Him in death.

What comes out clearly is that these terminally ill patients wanted to talk, wanted to give vent to their feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams. This is where a busy Doctor attending to them could take a few minutes off and sit with them and listen to them. Equally important is the attention given by the nurses, who could discuss these issues with them and not shy away from it. Even rapprochements with family members, is possible and desirable.

Christ taught clearly that his people, people who have put their trust in him, will also rise after death, just like he rose from death after three days. Christ will come again to gather his people, John 14:3,

“In My Father’s house are many mansions; … I go to prepare a place for you.

…I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

We will live with him in eternity. The second death, which is the spiritual death, will have no power over us. So death is only a passage to the other world, where we will meet our loves ones when their times come and they also enter eternity. Eternal life is the gift of Christ. Those who believe in him as the Son of God, who came to earth to give his life as a ransom for the lives of many as a penalty for the sins committed by them. All one has to do is to accept Christ as one’s Savior, seek his forgiveness in repentance of the sins committed and then one is safe in his arms. Such a person is admitted into the family of God and can look forward to meeting his/her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the next life and enjoy eternity in the presence of God and Christ.

Along with Apostle Paul we can also ask, 1 Corinthians 15:55,

“O death, where is your sting?

O Hades, where is your victory?”

To the people strongly rooted in the Lord, death is no longer a threat or a fearful event. Christ has conquered death and so shall we, by His grace.