Monday, 5 December 2016

What of Remarriage for women?



We were at Bible study, and I was trying to exegesis Romans chapters 6 and 7:1-6. In these chapters, Paul is raising an argument, whether it is alright to go on sinning, because we are under grace and God would lovingly forgive our sins. He answers by a vehement ‘No,’ and goes on to explain why we shouldn’t sin or couldn’t sin, once we have come to accept Jesus Christ as our Saviour.

To consolidate his point of view he gives three illustrations: one that of Baptism, where we die with Christ, buried in the water and rise again as a new person just like the risen Christ. Second, that of slavery. Once we were slaves to sin, but now that we have been liberated by the blood shed by Jesus Christ on the cross, we are not slaves to sin anymore, but slaves to God through Christ.

The last example is that of marriage. This is what interested me. Paul says the law of marriage holds as long as the husband lives. Once he is dead, the wife is free of the bond and is free to marry whomever she wants or likes. Jesus died for us and set us free from Law, so we can marry Jesus, the new Husband, and follow His law of love and not the old Law of Moses.

When the husband is living, if she marries another person, Paul says, she will be considered as an adulteress; but on husband’s death, if she marries another, that is legitimate.

I was fascinated by this whole argument. That the wife can marry another on the death of her husband, was a very considerate arrangement in the Jewish society in the first century AD, when women were not financially independent and were totally dependent on their husbands for livelihood.

Such a person, when she loses her husband could end in penury or on the streets. So, the Law and custom made allowances that she could marry someone else, who continue to be supported.

Another great provision under Jewish Law and custom was that of Levirate marriage. When a man dies without a son, his widow has the right to marry the brother of the dead man. This ensured that the woman was continued to be looked after by her husband’s family.

Also, the first child of the brother of the dead man and the widow will be considered as the child of the dead man, so that his name was not extinguished but carried on to the next generation. His family line continued. It was seen as an obligation to be performed by the brother to his dead elder brother. Ruth of the Bible is an example of such a levirate marriage, by a near kin.

Romans also permitted their women to marry someone else, if her husband died. Widow remarriage was an accepted fact of life and there was no great fuss made of that. May be that is why we see that even today in the modern society of the West, remarriage, either after divorce or death of a husband is a normal thing.

In the ancient Indian society, widowhood was considered inauspicious and something dreaded. Women were burnt on the funeral pyre of her dead husband, so that she will die with her husband, rather than live the ignominy of a widow’s miserable life. Marrying someone else was not even to be dreamt of by the widow!

Even in the Twentieth century, remarriage of the widows was not common. Stigma was always attached to that. She was seen as a bad omen and someone to be avoided, especially while performing auspicious functions like a marriage.

Up until the turn of the Twentieth century, widowhood meant shaven head, a thin saffron coloured saree to be wound around the body and work like a donkey at the household that supported her. She became the unpaid servant of that household. Today such horrible situations have changed are not there at all.

Still traces of it are found in the country. For example, the Vrindavan widows, who are dumped by their relatives, including their children, at the temple town of lord Krishna, in Vrindavan to eke their living.

They sing bajans (religious songs) praising the god of that town, Krishna, almost the whole day for two chappaties[1] a day, which the poojaries (priests) of these Krishna temples dole out to them. That is a miserable life, and they are doomed to live like that till they die.[2]

Well, twenty first century girls and women of India need not really worry about these tribulations of yesteryear. They are educated, earn their own living, marry whom they want to and get out, when they don’t want to and call the shots. They might leave a lot of broken hearts on the way, but I suppose their own hearts are broken every time that happens. So, it will definitely not be a pastime they chose to indulge without valid reasons.

We still have female infanticide in the rural areas, abandoned girl babies at the cradles provided for by the government, and horrible dowry deaths, where women are literally burnt by pouring kerosene over them and lit by the in-laws, mutely watched by the husbands.

All the more need for girls to be educated, be self-dependent, stand on their own legs and take control of their lives and be fearless, so that others cannot exploit them physically or torture them mentally.

Brave-hearts do not take things lying down, but fight it out valiantly till the end. I remember the ‘Brave-heart’ in that Delhi bus on that horrible night four years ago, when she went out for a movie with her boyfriend. She did not take it lying down, but fought it until she died and in dying gave hope and courage to many.

A society is known by the respect it shows to its women and how it treats her. I wish India will rise up and be counted as a civilized society at least in the 21st century.  



[1] Round and flat unleavened wheat breads common in India.
[2] William Dalrymple gives a succinct description of this City of Widows in his book, “The Age of Kali.”  

2 comments:

  1. Short and to the point ma'am. Keep writing. I missed your previous write ups.I'll read them asap and get back to you.

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  2. Thanks Nirmala. I will keep writing and you keep reading!

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