Counseling and Childhood baggages

I have been attending accredited Counselling course run by Person to Person, Hyderabad, for quite some time now. There are six modules, each consisting of one week classes with assignments. I have completed three and would be attending the fourth one by the end of this month. On the lighter side, my friends and relatives keep asking me, why am I studying even at this age? Will I ever stop attending courses and studies? When will it all end? And more embarrassingly they ask, what will I do with all those certificates one gets on completing the courses? Well, to be precise, I do not know the answer to any of these. I can only say that I love studies! Any one who can love studies and exams, you would consider, as a nut case or a nerd! May be I am, a bit of both! In my defense, there is a saying in Tamil, "What you have learnt is only fistful, but what you have yet to learn is about the size of the world." (I am transliterating here) So you see one can keep on studying, for there is no dearth of subjects you can study and ultimately be also of some use to humanity. It keeps your brain active too, keeping it engaged, exercising its 'muscles!'

One thing I have learnt in all these counselling courses is how much people are hurting, not necessarily due to their own fault. Some one is dealing with a break in the marriage, going through divorce proceedings; some one is sorting out childhood sexual abuse from a trusted person; some one is crying over a husband, who had walked away taking the only child with him; marital problems, emotional problems, physical problems - oh, how people are hurting in this world of ours. 

Another thing that comes our crystal clear is, most of these problems, which people face as adults have their origins in childhood. We all carry a baggage from childhood as we come to adulthood and face the world, and then problems that lay hidden, all begin to surface. A person who had not received love from the mother, when he was a child, shows symptoms of 'rejection' as an adult. He is not able to love any one deeply, for he has not received such a love as a child. He is not able to trust anyone, for he has not experienced love and couldn't trust  the parent/s, as a child. A mother could have given such a feeling of un-love to her child, may be because she was busy, travelling, or dealing with her own emotional problems, or due to prejudices she had absorbed as a child. Finally the man, as an adult, suffers and his wife and children suffer too, facing the consequences.

Rejection is just one such problems, but serves as a sample. So what can we do that we do not damage the personality of our children, who have been entrusted under our care? 

I am giving the following tips, especially for those who are young mothers now or those who are expecting to become mothers.

1. Love and cherish the children when they are young. They need it. Let them know that they are welcome into this family and the world. 

2. Cuddle them a lot, let them have the physical assurance of your love and their tactile sensors are to be nurtured.  

3. Be firm and discipline them, and do not indulge them, just because they are to be loved, or they be single children or being brought up by single mothers. Or else they could become like the 'little emperors' common in China, demanding and being selfish.

4. Resist from writing your desires as messages in their minds, which at that young age are just fresh and like clean slates; they come into the world with no prejudices and it is we who give it all to them. I couldn't be a Doctor, so I will instill that desire in my child from childhood, a father may think. You might achieve your dream, but the personality of the child will be badly damaged.

5. Teach them about wrong touches and be vigilant about who is around them at home and elsewhere. 

6. Raise the child on the strong and sure foundation of Christian belief, prayers, worship, Bible study and morals as taught in the scripture. When the child grows up s/he will not go astray. In today's world of multicultural and religiously pluralistic culture, this is important. 

Well, these are researched and found out, from my own experience and life and also from the counseling courses I attended. I do understand that parents themselves could be products of wounded- self, and are not perfect. So we need to rely a lot on the Lord to help us in raising our children and thereafter. I am hoping that these will be of some use to some one somewhere in this world.  

'As Many Gods as Possible.... is it okay?'

A good friend of mine, during our discussion on religion, said very jovially that he doesn't mind going to as many gods as possible, with a begging bowl, so long as any one of those gods answer him and give him what he wants. Well, this is the general tendency in India. I have heard this expression from many people, some educated and highly placed, some uneducated and lowly placed, and any number in between. Taken in this way, it is beneficial to have a large number of gods on role, so you can go to any one of them or all of them depending on your need. This is polytheism at its best. 

In a reversal of matters, just think what happens, if none of the gods respond. Then you are in a quandary! Or imagine many of them want to help you and jump into the foray, one competing with the other to do you the favor you had asked. I am almost reminded of the Greek gods who showered their favors on certain individuals, like for example, Hercules, who happened to be their favorite among human beings! Now that could invite trouble. You may not know which god is doing you the favor and might by mistake offer your thanks giving offerings to the wrong god, setting that one to be angry with you and you end up in a mess. 

This also makes one shallow and disinterested in the matters of life and death, involving the ultimate questions relating to life itself, like where do you end up after death? What happens to your soul? Where does it go? Is there life after death and so on. Any in depth search into these questions is considered hardly relevant. Why bother! 

So what is the remedy? Well, my only advice to my friend would be, stick to one God, the Almighty, the Creator of heavens and earth, who has no rivals, who is mighty in His deeds and is able to save your soul for eternity. Search for such a One and worship Him, and not fritter away your adoration that legitimately belongs to One on many. 

The Golden Phase of Life

Well, this is in deference to my friends, who complain that my blogs are all very serious. Not really though, what about curry leaves and buying nice food on Sunday! Never mind, I will go light and not heavy today.

As some of us retirees took our customary evening walk and were strolling by in the nearby park, we were ruminating over age and about being called very respectfully, but of course condescendingly, the senior citizen. One can claim to be a senior citizen, if one is above 60 years and until 100 years, I suppose, if one lives that long. Bible says that God fixed man's life as 120 years. Genesis 6:3. Not many live up to that age now, but that is the allotted time for man on earth. Within this span of 40 years, presuming people will live up to at least 100 years, I observe, there is a gradation - like some method or order in madness. 

Sixty to seventy five, I would call them, young senior citizens (like young adults!). Such people do not like to be called senior citizens, though surreptitiously enjoy all the perks that come along with that tag. They are still very active, go for their morning walks or swimming or to gym  and some are quite well preserved, I should say. Some do not like anyone calling them Grandma/Grandpa or in the local lingo Patti or Thatha, unless of course their own grandchildren call them so. Well, this is the group to which I proudly belong to!  

Let's consider the second group. This would be from 75 to 85 or even 89, still on this side of ninety! A very mature age, calmly surveying the world as it rushes past by, the youngsters hurrying to office or work or children being carted to and fro to schools and chuckle with a smile, commenting, oh, how we have passed these stages in life and how well and how efficiently we accomplished all these and so on. Still strong on foot, but considerably slowed down. I would call this the golden phase of life. Not yet feeble, but still independent and able to manage one's affairs, full of wisdom and maturity, with lot of chances to dish out advice, many a time, uncalled for. 

Now comes the last phase of life, 90 to 100 and above. This is a very difficult age, they say people revert to being like kids in this age. They are selfish, want their needs to be attended to immediately, or else throw tantrums like children, complain and castigate, and generally make life difficult for themselves and others around them. Good luck for the care-givers, they need plentiful patience and real deep love to get by. 

Bible has a beautiful picture about old age. In Isaiah 46:4 God of Israel, whom Jesus called his Father, says thus:

    "Even to your old age, I am He,

     And even to gray hairs I will carry you!

     I have made you, and I will bear;

     Even I will carry, and will deliver you."

What comforting and reassuring words from our Maker! Wonderful. Then again in Psalms 92:13,14, it is written,

    "Those who are planted in the house of the Lord

      Shall flourish in the court of our God.

      They shall still bear fruit in old age;

      They shall be fresh and flourishing,"

So folks, old age could be very fulfilling and flourishing, a time to look forward to, with all the assurances from God to really take care of you. So do not be cast down for any reason at all.   

Good luck, all ye senior citizens!

Pantheistic Worldview

In India, the common adage is "all religions are the same, for all religions lead us to the same God and these are but different roads to the same God." My Hindu friends say these all the time. I do get very disturbed hearing such sweeping statements, uttered without bothering to know whether the others, belonging to other religions also think like that or not. For them their view looks so very accommodating and inclusive, showing a largeness of heart. How could any one take offence of such a worldview? This has to be the view of every other religion too, they think. Why not? Doesn't it sound logical and all-comprising or all-compromising? 

The problem is, Christians and Muslims, the other major religions in India, definitely do not think like that. Especially for Christians, who worship the God, whom Jesus Christ called Father, the only way to the true and the only God is through Jesus Christ. Jesus himself famously said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6. So this view that all religions are leading to the same God is not acceptable to a Christian. To be frank, I resent it when my Hindu friends so casually make such a statement. 

The main objection to the exclusive claim of a Christian, that Jesus is the only Way to God, is that Christians are so narrow in their approach to God and are not magnanimous, but are restrictive. They are seen sometimes as even arrogant, trying to arrogate such exclusivity to themselves. Is it so? Let us think about it. If all gods are the same, as a Hindu claims, then why object to conversion to Christianity? After all it is the same God, so a person who was on the road of Hinduism so long, has now decided to take another road, Christianity, to reach the same God. Why object? So come to think of it, finally, if you go deeper, no one is willing to give up his or her own God for another. If this is not exclusivity, then what is it? Come to think of it, every religion is exclusive in its claims and will fight tooth and nail before giving up such claims to another. In such a scenario, is it not eyewash or hypocrisy to say all gods are the same and in the same breath deny the right to conversion to another religion from his/her own? Is n't this self-contradictory? Is this living in peace? Or may be a smooth talk to get over a difficult patch during an argument, but holding onto ones own view inside, a double-talk? 

Whatever it may be, I would request my Hindu friends to think rationally of this worldview of them, that all gods are the same. Imposing my view that Jesus is the Only Way to God on others seems arrogance, what do you call the imposing of the majority view that all gods are the same on me and the minority? Is n't it arrogance? Is n't it a form of conversion practice? 

Another view point of such a philosophy or religion is, God is every where and in all things.  The inanimate and animate forms in the world are invaded by Brahman (the impersonal God of a Hindu) himself, and even a tree or stone is worthy of worship. When truth is not acknowledged and any and every object is worshiped as god, then people are groping in the dark. When truth shines like light, then darkness vanishes. And there cannot be many truths on any one subject, but only one can be the Truth. If so, logically nothing else can be the truth, but only false. 

Ponder over these, my friends, and we can have friendly debate over these points. I expect more discussions and convincing each other in a friendly manner.  

   

Calcium rich leaves and chutneys!

Today even as I asked my cook to make chutney out of curry leaves, she quarried me as why I am always eating this chutney and why doesn't she make some nice chutney out of mint leaves (puthina leaves) or coriander leaves (kothamari/kothamalli or cilantro leaves)? 

I tried to educate her on the nutrient content of these three leaves and explain to her why I prefer curry leaves to the other two. You see, curry leaves have 830 mg of calcium in them, while mint leaves have only 243 mg and coriander leaves a paltry 67 mg of calcium in them. So naturally I prefer curry leaves for their richer content of calcium, especially as I have osteopenia, which is a wee bit better than osteoporosis, which is quite an advanced case of calcium deficiency, leading to brittle bones. Trying to build calcium into my body naturally, I have settled for curry leaves chutney among the chutneys! 

Of course nothing to beat agathi leaves, which have 1130 mg of calcium in them! So make the most of it, if you can get your hands on it. I must warn you that the cows in Tamil Nadu are fed with these leaves! That shouldn't make you any less human! So go ahead and hog. 

In my research I also found out that gingilly seeds have 1450 mg of calcium in them; cumin seeds 1080 mg of calcium; poppy seeds 1584 mg and omum (ajwain or carom seeds) have 1525 mg of calcium in them. What are you waiting for? Buy these greens, make chutneys, poriyals, kootoos and what not, according to your taste and eat. Powder the seeds and sprinkle them over your vegetable kootoos and curries. 

Strong bones leads to a healthy life! Hurrahs to these greens and seeds, which are available in plenty and at very reasonable price all over India. 

Bon appetite!

Big Bang Theory and me!

I happen to read about the Big Bang Theory today and it was as if I was hit by a megaton bomb! My head was reeling and I had so many questions that begged answers. How is it that human beings are able to ascertain the time the Big Bang happened as 13.7 billion years ago? How is it even possible to go that far in time and space, not withstanding, Doppler effect and red-shift and so on? Even more amazing is the finding by the Astrophysicists that time and space started exactly at that time when Big Bang occurred. It has even been discerned that 3,80,000 years after the big bang, light was released from the plasma of the expanding universe!  As the Universe expanded, so also progressed the formation of life and evolution of it from smaller to the higher life forms. Wow!

And to find order in our universe and to discover that simple laws hold together all the galaxies, stars, planets and their moons, is even more amazing. Man seems to have come thus far, so close to finding answers to eternal questions, yet he is not able to progress further. He is not able to answer the questions such a quest throws about. What is the meaning of this universe? How did it come about? Was it created or did it happen on its own? If created, then who created it? If it happened on its own, how did it happen? It is said that if there is even a slightest variation in any of the rules or forces that keep the universe together, it will shatter to smithereens and cannot sustain life on it anymore. Who made such a fine tuned universe? Can it happen on its own? Can it be the product of an accident? Or is it a well thought out design by a Great Power, a Great Designer, an Unmoved Mover, a Creator, God? 

Amazing! The physicists having come thus far, are not able to explain the dark matter from which 90% of gravity seem to come; they are not able to fathom the dark energy, which seem to be keeping the universe ever expanding and finally no one seems capable of explaining why such a universe came about? Can man reach God and know His mind? Ah, but He reveals Himself and then such a Revelation could offer us glimpses of the whole pattern and design of this universe and the rationale behind it all. Genesis 1:1,3 of the Bible says, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...And God said, 'Let there be light;' and there was light," and so on. There lies the explanation and answer to all the questions that have plagued humanity ever since the beginning. 

Will man listen and understand? 

    

Women's day in the church!

Hi folks!

Just returned from Koramangala Methodist Church (KMC), loaded with foodies! After the service a sweet surprise awaited me. To be frank, my cook, who comes thrice a week had cooked enough food on Friday to last two days. By Sunday, the third day, there was nothing for lunch or dinner and I had planned to buy something from somewhere to eat. Voila, at KMC, there was a Food Fest going on organized by the women's group to raise funds for their programmes. It suited me so well. I bought some pork vindaloo, with soft idlies thrown along, yummy chicken biriyani and a non-veg pasta. What a feast! Sometimes I wonder how the Lord organizes matters so as to take care of your every need, even your need for a good lunch and dinner! Amazing God we have! Thank you my Lord Jesus.

Having gobbled up pork and the idlies, I am quite happy and satisfied with life in general and am planning to take a short afternoon nap and rest my body! The exercise of gobbling up must have been very tiring for the body!

bye then till I meet you all again,

Take care

shanthi