Divorce: at what price? Introducing the Subject.

Though I have written one or two blogs on the subject of divorce, blogs dated 19.9.2015 and 23.9.2015, these were mainly from the angle of parental interference leading to divorce among Indian couples.

The subject of divorce has been on my mind for quite some time now, mainly because many of the counseling cases I am dealing with are concerned with divorce, couples struggling to live with one another and finding it increasingly difficult to do so and gravitating towards divorce.

In Koramangala Methodist church, which I attend, we are planning to have a seminar on “Marriage Enrichment,” on Sunday, the 29^th May. Mr. Jacob Ninan, an experienced counselor in the matter will be conducting the seminar after the Sunday service. You are all welcome to attend. This added the interest in the subject.

I also happen to read the book by John MacArthur, “The Divorce Dilemma,” explaining the stand of the Bible on divorce, including the views and teachings of Jesus and Paul on the matter.

It is surprising to know that the 1^st century Roman society faced as much deep problems with regard to marriage and divorce as we in the modern society. World hasn’t changed after all! Or is it that human beings haven’t changed much in spite of the technological revolutions that we have witnessed in the modern era?

Apart from parental interference, the very fact society has become shrunk and there is opportunity for coming in contact and mingling with people of different regions, different religions and different cultures has been a major stumbling block in happy marriages.

In India, a north Indian working in IT capital Bangalore, meets with a south Indian, they fall in love and marry, without realizing that culture in these two places are different in many respects. When the initial love and euphoria are replaced with the reality of living together, things fall apart. They are not able to adjust. Food, habits, family bonding – all differ.

Unless of course, the young couple have been born and brought up in the upper middle class or affluent family surroundings and values, then things like what you eat and what you wear or how you treat your in-laws, do not really matter much.

These things are almost non-issues for them, for they keep experimenting in all these and delight in the variety available in the various cultures. Parents are generally supportive for they themselves are educated and achieved a fair amount of financial independence. These couples are more bothered about where to go for holidays and how much to splash on parties and so on.

As indicated in my earlier blogs it is the middle class which is trying to break into the ceilings of upper middle class and affluent class that suffers more. Mainly because they are not used to experimenting, but are brought up in one single mode and find it difficult to get away from these influences. It is almost an affront to their cultural values. When you do not bend it breaks. And that is what is happening.

Today the world is a melting pot with an amalgamation of different cultures. With the world having been reduced to a global village, the dominant culture is that of MacDonald and KFCs from the West. Many things are floating in the cultural melee and Indians, especially the upcoming middle class and the upper and affluent classes, ape these without disdain.

Living-in-relationships, dating, sex before marriage, divorce on flimsy grounds, remarriage, single-parenthood, single children, gay and lesbianism, same-sex marriages, pornography and so many such Western cultural values are being adopted by Indians and it is becoming increasingly the norm here also.

So what do we do about it? Is there a norm, a standard which we can follow and stabilize our marriages? Has anyone defined marriage? Ultimately what does it mean to be married? What is marriage? On what foundation should it be built?

What are the rules and regulations with regard to marriage, which are above all cultural differences and cultural influences?

What is the most unifying factor in marriage of two different individuals from two different cultures?

To these we will turn in the next blog.

Catch up with ya later! Does it sound trendy enough?!