Is there a Method in the Madness of Marriage?

What is this great human institution called marriage? People seem to be marrying all the time, falling in love, getting married and then promptly falling out of love, getting divorced and then marrying all over again. Why do they do it? Is it just sex or hormones or companionship? Is there a method to this madness? Are there norms or standard for marriage and divorce? Let me delve into this.

Oxford dictionary would define marriage as ‘the legal relationship between a husband and wife.’ It is a legal bondage, publicly made between a man and a woman, in the presence of all the relatives and friends, who bear witness to this event. How did it originate? Where did the idea come from?

I would like to turn to the Bible for this. Genesis 1:27 says, in the beginning God created man and woman in His own image and blessed them to multiply and subdue the earth and have dominion over it. This authority, you would like to note, was given to both man and woman and not just to man.

God who created everything, heavens and earth and all that is in these, acclaimed it as ‘Good,’ after creation of each of these. However God felt that ‘it is not good that man should be alone.’ Genesis 2:18. So He created woman to be a companion comparable to man.

A man is never full in himself. He is full only when united with a woman, his companion and of course vice versa. This was the design of God who created them man and woman. God further ordained that, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. This was the story of Adam and Eve, the first human pair.

This was also the pattern that God gave for human couples. Therefore a man, which applies to woman also, will leave his or her father and mother and be united to his/her wife/husband. They form one unit, a new family unit, apart from the original families they came from.

Jesus while affirming this, further laid down that “Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate,” Matthew 19:6, for ‘the two shall become one flesh.’ Mt.19:5. It is this union between a man and woman that is called marriage and is in existence since the beginning, ever since man and woman were created. It is a God-given institution to humankind.

If that were so, whence came the divorce? Why do people want to separate from each other and from this life-long bond? Why this animosity, hatred, violence, abuse and final separation? What went wrong in between?

We need to go to Genesis again, this time to the account of the Fall of humankind, recorded in Genesis 3:1-24. When the first human pair disobeyed God and went seeking after knowledge of good and evil, as prompted by Satan, without the approval of God, they fell under the influence of Satan, and lost the blessings of the Creator God.

This event poisoned everything in the creation, the relationship between God and humans, between humans and the world, consisting of animals and nature, between man and man and between man and woman. Hatred replaced love, separation replaced union and life became one of strife and contention, as we see it today.

In the 1^st century Jewish world that Jesus lived in, divorce was common. They were divorcing their wives on flimsy grounds, for Mosaic Law stated that a man may divorce his wife ‘if she finds no favor in his eyes, because he has found some indecency in her.’ But what is this ‘indecency?’

One school of thought among the then Jews interpreted indecency as adultery, but another school interpreted it to mean almost anything. A man could divorce his wife if she spoiled his dinner, if she spun, or went with unbound hair, or spoke to men in the streets, or if she spoke disrespectfully of his parents in his presence and so on.

The Pharisees, the religious leaders of that time came to Jesus and to test him asked him, whether it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason. It was then Jesus proclaimed what God has joined let no man separate. He further laid down that “whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.

So the standard for marriage is life-long union between a man and woman and them separately starting a family apart from their respective parents. And the only legitimate reason for divorce is adultery alone, either on the part of the husband or the wife. Remarriage after divorce for any other reason other than adultery, in Jesus’ view was tantamount to adultery, whether it was the divorced man or the woman.

Remarriage was permitted among Jews, if one of the partner, the husband or the wife dies. Then the marriage bond is dissolved and the person is free to marry again. A man or woman, being the wronged party and divorces his/her spouse for adultery is also free to remarry. Otherwise marriage bond is irrevocable.

Having seen the standard laid down by God for marriage and Jesus for marriage and divorce, what remains now is to apply these to the present day goings on with regard to marriage and divorce. 

That could be done only in my next blog. You may have to wait till then!

No trendy good bye this time!