Is our Universe infinite?

The concept of a fine-tuned universe is the back bone for the theists arguing for a Designer, who created such a finely tuned Universe, so that life can be formed and sustained. Atheists argue that such a fine-tuned universe could have come about in a random manner, where in one planet like ours, earth, out of hundreds thousands of such planets, spinning around a star, the sun, among billions of stars, in the Milky Way galaxy, out of millions of such galaxies, could have just happened to have such a finely calibrated constants, capable of sustaining life, as a result of random shuffling. It is purely an accident or a chance that it happened to happen. Atheists are willing to even speculate about a Multiverse, because they assume that the probabilities of throwing up a well tuned universe with a sun and a planet capable of bearing life are much more in a Multiverse. Of course they are not able to produce any evidence for any such a Multiverse. It is only a conjecture.

Be that as it may, is it possible to say that the Universe has always been existing? That the Universe has no beginning and no end and is eternal? This in fact is the argument of the atheists, saying the Universe is as eternal and infinite as God. There is no need for a God, who is infinite, the “First and the Last, the Beginning and the End,” “who was, who is and who is to be.” The Universe itself is infinite and has always existed.

Is this hypothesis plausible? The majority of the physicists in today’s world have agreed on the Big Bang theory, which means there was a beginning point of Big Bang, when the Universe came into existence and started to expand. Thereafter time and space began, and matter came into being. Anything that has a beginning will have to have an end. If so it is definitely not an infinite Universe!

Secondly it has been established that our Universe is slowly running out of usable energy. Our own sun is slowly burning out and will soon be a cold star, with no warmth to offer. This is the Second law of Thermodynamics. If the Universe has existed forever, then according to the Second Law of Thermodynamics, it would have run out of steam by now! The same concept will apply to Multiverse too, even if such a plurality of Universe is there.

Thirdly, if the Universe had a beginning, then there must have been a cause that made it to exist for some purpose. Thus the Universe has a cause. As the Universe could not cause itself, it has to be caused by a Cause, which is beyond space, time and matter. Such a Cause has to be spaceless, timeless, immaterial, uncaused, and unimaginable powerful. That is what we call God, whom our atheists friends have problem accepting. We have no such problems, we love to affirm in the presence of a loving and caring God, Almighty, who created the heavens and the earth and all that is therein by His might.

Bible acknowledges this in Psalm 19:1, wherein King David says,

         “The heavens declare the glory of God;

         And the firmament shows His handiwork.”

In Jeremiah 10:12, the prophet avers,

       “He made the earth by His power,

        He has established the world by His wisdom,

       And has stretched out the heavens at His discretion.”

Again in Isaiah 40:22 & 23, the prophet Isaiah writes,

       “Have you not known?

        Have you not heard?

        Has it not been told you from the beginning?

        Have you not understood from the foundation of the earth?”

       “It is He who sits above the circle of the earth,

        And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers,

       Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,

       And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.”

Isaiah writes further, in 40:26,

       “Lift up your eyes on high,

        And see who has created these things,

       Who brings out their hosts (stars) by number,

       He calls them all by name,

       By the greatness of His might

       And the strength of His power;

       Not one is missing.”

He is the everlasting God, the Lord of this Universe, who created everything for His glory, including human beings, the crowning glory of His creation on earth. Unfortunately some of us refuse to believe in God, even when truth is staring right at our face. We can only empathize with them and pray to God to give them the wisdom to know and love the Lord our Creator and Savior, the Lord Almighty.

        

It was a Universe and now a Multiverse!

It is amazing the way physicists speculate! We all know that we live in a universe containing within it millions of galaxies and billions of stars and know not how many planets revolving around the stars. This in itself is mind-boggling. Now some of the physicists have come up with the idea of multiverse, that is, many-verse or many universes. It is a very interesting concept alright. It is even more interesting to come to know that such a multiverse concept has been propounded mainly as an argument to prove that there is no God and that all these have come about by chance alone.

The argument for and against God has been waged in the West for quite some centuries now. In India, fortunately or unfortunately, we do not doubt the presence of an Almighty God, whether a Hindu or a Muslim or a Christian or a Buddhist or a Jain. May be that is one advantage of being a poorer country. Here because of the deprivation and wants and needs in life, people depend on a God, who could miraculously provide for them, send rains on time, crop to grow and ripen on time and to be harvested and marketed well. At every stage everyone depends on God and His providence. In the economically richer countries, may be, there is no need for God, because man’s efforts have made everything available to him and there are really no wants, excepting to accumulate more and more wealth and materialistic objects. Atheism seems to thrive under such conditions. It becomes the job of the theists or the apologetic to prove that there is a God, who created this world and all the things that are in the world or the universe, as we see today.

One of the main arguments of the theists is the fine tuning that one observes in our universe. According to them, the fundamental constants of the galaxies, stars, planets, atoms and sub-atoms and particles in our universe are so finely tuned that even a hair breath of alteration in these constants will make life impossible on earth and the universe as we see it today. For example, if gravitational constant is varied 1 in 10 raised to the power of 60 parts, the universe, galaxies, stars and planets will not exist. The universe will either expand very fast or collapse within itself and we will not be there to speculating about its existence!

The expansion rate of the universe is known in cosmological constant and if this changes its values by 1 part in 10, raised to the power of 120 parts, it will make the universe to expand very fast and no stars will be formed and consequently no life could have been formed. Again mass and energy seem to have been evenly distributed and fine tuned to 1 part in 10 raised to the power of 10, raised to the power of 123. If this is altered even a bit, there is no possibility of life being developed and sustained on earth.

Such delicate balancing shows that there is a very narrow range available for permitting life on earth in this universe. These points are agreed to both by the atheist and theist physicists, but lead them to very different conclusions. For theists it points to a Designer, God, Almighty, who has designed the earth and calibrated the Universe to such a fine degree, to make possible the life He created on earth. It is not a matter of chance or blind force, but definitely an intelligent Designer who had orchestrated the whole thing.

The atheists come with a different explanation. To them this fine-tuned universe and the earth, have come about purely by chance. According to them, it is possible that in the millions and billions of the stars, it just happened that one planet orbiting around one star, our sun, happened to have all the necessities required to support life and life evolved. When others point out that such probabilities are remote, then they come out with even a grander scheme of things, calling it as multiverse, or many universes. Their hypothesis is that there must be a universe generator, from which many universes keep popping out. In that process of bubbling of many universes, somewhere, sometime it has happened that a finely tuned universe like us which is able to support a life system, popped up. Like a pack of cards, if one keeps dealing the cards enough time, eventually every hand will turn up. It is a probability that in a multiverse, a planet like earth could have come about purely as a chance.

This is almost like one lie leading to the other and finally one day the lie is detected to the dismay of the liar, for no further explanations could be given! To explain one universe, they speak about many universes or multiverse, and one leads to the other, that finally they are not able to explain anything satisfactorily. And there is no evidence as of today even to such a hypothesis. It is just a guess work. Moreover if many such universes were to be generated, where is the generator? Who made that? Who is operating that? It cannot be a blind force! Even if cards are being dealt with, someone must be shuffling the cards and if so, who is it? Isn’t that ‘someone’ called God?

Moreover we do not observe randomness and chaos in the universe. It is orderly, subject to specific scientifically verifiable constants and measures and laws of physics. Such a meticulously planned universe with a design definitely requires a Designer.

A multiverse! Hmm, sounds very far-fetched!    

So what can Parents do about it?

In the last 3-4 blogs I have been dealing with the problems the newly formed middle class in India is facing and how it is affecting the family, especially the lives of the young adults and their marriage. In all the churning and melting that is occurring in the process of people moving from poverty into lower middle class and middle-middle class and upper middle class, the baggage they carry from their place of origin remains. Upward social mobility is happening, but the mind and the outlook still remain narrow and traditional. The progress they make is mainly economical advancement. It is a clash of values that they encounter at various levels of development. In the process every one suffers, the parents, the young adults and their children. The mind-set has to change, if they are to really reap the benefits of economic and social advancement and lead a reasonably happy and satisfied life.

The background of the behavior of the parents sticking on to their adult children even after they marry is mainly because of economic reasons. When you invest some money in the bank, you get interest on the principle. So when parents invest all their earnings on their children to give them education to better their prospects, the expectation is that the children will pay back by looking after the parents when they are old. Parents also want to have control over their earning children so that their interests are safeguarded. This leads to interference, resentment from the spouse of their children and in many cases, eventual break-up in the marriage of the young adults.

It is also the hang-over of the traditional joint family system in India, where under the roof provided by a land owing or earning patriarch, all the children, mainly the boys with their wives lived. Girls leave to their in-law’s homes after marriage. All the earnings are pooled and considered common and the father supervised the finances, while the mother supervised the daughters-in-law and the kitchen generally. This is the control that the parents have lost today, when the children started to live separately and on their own. Still the pulls of the joint family system is so strong that it takes other forms, of parents living, earlier with their eldest son or any other son and now it is extended to living with earning daughters as well, which was once considered a taboo. In so living the parents still want to control, not only their children, but also their earnings and their spouses. It is rarely there are parent, who live with their children and not interfere with their lives. If one is lucky enough to have such parents, go ahead and happily live with them. There is no rule barring that.

Mostly, adult children are sort of caught in the web, web of love, obligation and of course emotional black mail of their parents. At that age of 28-32 or more, they find it so difficult to get out of this mesh entangling them. It is not to say that there are not children, who discard their old parents like dirty clothes and refuse to look after them or leave them in Anatha Ashrams (charity homes) or Old Age Homes and not even bother to visit them thereafter. There are such young adults also.

So what can be done? Is there a way where parents in their old age can be assured of being looked after, without having to live with their married children? How do they ensure their economic security, apart from their children? How can earning children ensure that their parents do not suffer neglect in their old age and at the same time not having to have them in their homes, disrupting their family lives? This is a mind boggling question, but needs to be addressed as India is changing rapidly economically and socially. Old values have to change and give place to new ones.

For the rich, who can afford, having reached the upper middle class and beyond, this may not pose a big problem. The adult children can set up a separate establishment for their parents, and if necessary, pay for the rent and the monthly cost of the establishment. Even today many widows and single women, who can afford, stay on their own, may be even at their own cost and in their own houses and manage by keeping servants, one to cook, one to do the top work, a driver, a gardener and so on. They might even have a full time person at home as a companion or help, male or female as the case may be. This is admirable. Others can follow it, if money permits. The parents can live in a close by flat or in a street close by, so that there is mutual help and assistance too in a healthy manner.

There is nothing wrong in living alone. Any number of women in Indian villages does it every day from ages back. In our villages women usually outlive husbands and refuse even to come to their children’ homes in cities, but voluntarily stay in villages, alone, in their small huts or houses. They are happy in their familiar surroundings and manage to cook and eat and have neighborly relationships with the surrounding families. This is no exception to rural India, but even in urban areas, many old people of both the sexes, alone or as married couples, live in like manner. Children go and visit them once a year or so if in villages, and once a week or month in the cities. This is a beautiful arrangement, which we could explore and follow.

Fortunately these days there are Retirement Homes for the elderly coming up in major cities, where medical care, food and all the needed services are provided for a neat sum. One could buy such flats or lease them and pay only the monthly establishment charges. People who can afford it must go for it. They have recreational facilities, libraries and people of almost the same age group and parents can spend their time happily. Children can come and visit them with grand children every now and then and keep their morale high. In case the parents do not have the money to afford such homes, the earning adult children can either pool or singly invest the money and meet the monthly charges too. The flat will come back to them only after the demise of the parents.

What happens when neither the parents nor the adult children have that type of money to afford a separate establishment for the parents? What if they have to keep the parents at home only? In such cases, when parents have to stay with their married children, the adult children will have to strictly draw the line up to which parents can go and not go beyond. It is difficult to teach the older parents not to interfere, but the young adult children need to absorb these matters and be firm in laying such rules at home and enforcing them. At no cost should the parents be allowed to talk ill of the spouse or talk them down. After marriage, all said and done, the partner to whom one is married becomes more important than the parents. They need to ‘cleave to each other’ in biblical terms.  

A special word to the parents: Do not put all your eggs in one basket. Instead of betting so much on their children’s future and depending on them for their old age, parents need to start putting some amount separately for their own future, even if it is a small sum. In due course it will grow up and be of use to buy a retirement home or health insurance or to afford servants and live on their own, without depending heavily on the children.

Lastly, parents need to develop their God-given talents, from early years on, so that when they are old and have to spend time in a Retirement Home, they are not staying there with eyes glued to the gate anticipating the visit from their children. Something to do usefully, especially for the women, other than cooking and looking after their brood, so that they are not at a loss, when children grow up and leave home or establish their own homes. To keep themselves busy and involved, for even in old age, people can be active and useful to society.

A word to the children: when parents are put in a Retirement Home, it doesn’t mean that the responsibility of the children is over. It starts only thereafter, but in a different way. Weekly visits and sharing of goodies and keeping up the loving relationship are very important. One needs to love and honor one’s parents. For the Christians it is one of the Ten Commandments. It reads,

“Honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”  Ex.20:12

Honoring your parents doesn’t mean you have to be under their control even after you are a married individual with a family of your own. Everything has its own season in life.  

India is changing, changing fast. Relationships within family and marriage are all being fluid and in turmoil. We need to change the traditions and adjust to the times, at the same time, not giving up basic values like honoring parents. The change may have to be in how we do honor them. No one must go unloved and uncared for, children or adults. Whatever we do has repercussions in the lives of our next generation, children/grand children. They will suffer, if we do not take care of our behavior now.

People could say, we are trying to ape the Western civilization, which is seen in the growing divorce rates, children neglecting their parents and upcoming Retirement Homes, unheard of in the earlier India. But when we want to ape the West for development and prosperity and higher standard of living and empowerment of women, can we avoid the other side effects? Can we live in our tradition bound villages in 21^st century? Even if we want to, is it possible or is it desirable? When our lives are changing, new challenges come and we need to face them. When we are prepared, we can break the fall, otherwise, the fall will break us.

All said and done, Christ offers us the assurance as written in Romans 8:28,

“And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, ...”

It is reassuring to know that though we might make a mess of our lives, God in his mercy will being something good of it all, if we trust in Him. Let our hopes lie in that assurance.

Divorce, is it the ultimate?

Last 2-3 blogs I have been building up from the development of the middle class in India, and how people belonging to the lower middle class invest in children and climb through the ladder to the higher status, but also ruin the marriage life of their children in their selfishness to control and enjoy the fruits of their labor. Not all parents would be like this, but many are. It is almost as if all these so called parental love and sacrifice are finally only economics, based on money.

In this blog I want to analyze and see why in India many marriages end in divorce; what could be the reasons and what can be done to rectify the situation.

Even though divorce rate is growing up at an alarming rate in India, it is still very low compared to the Western or developed countries. As against 500 divorces per 1000 marriages in America, it is only 13 per 1000 in India. However it is growing by leaps and bounds in the metropolitan cities in India, especially among young people working in Information Technology (IT) sector.

Various reasons are attributed for this breakage in marriages in India. As it is most of the marriages in India are still organized through parental arrangements. Such ‘arranged marriages’ constitute almost 75 % of all marriages in India even now. ‘Love marriages,’ where the boy and the girl meet and fall in love and marry is growing now, mainly in the IT sector. Even these love marriages break up in the first 2 or 3 years. 

In India, whether it is the arranged or love marriage, the bride and the groom, marry not just each other, but also their respective families. This is the carryover of the traditions and strong ties exist between the parents and the adult children even after they marry.

In any marriage, the union of two different individuals will need a lot of adjustments and challenges. When you marry into a family, the challenges are more and varied. It becomes all the more difficult, when the parents of the boy lives with the new family or the newly married couple live with the parents of the boy. This was the routine in most of the families earlier and the daughter-in-law used to suffer under the iron control of the mother-in-law and the traditions. It is usually the mother wanting to control the earning member, her son, and manipulating it under the term love and sacrifice of a mother. In any case these situations are changing fast in the urban areas, especially in the IT sector, where the parents of the girls have started to live with the earning daughter, in her house. Now the husband is at the receiving end. It becomes more difficult, because the daughters being more emotional and attached to their parents will fight to keep up her responsibility of looking after her parents, even to the detriment of her marriage.

Sadly, it never occurs to the parents in India that they need to leave their married children, son or the daughter, to lead their own lives, away from the parents, independently, starting their own individual family units. Tradition has such a great hold on them that either the parents cling to their children or the children, even after marriage, cling to them. Any married man or woman, who loves his/her parents or siblings more than the spouse, is heading for trouble.

Bible says in Genesis 2:24,

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

The earlier translations mention ‘cling to’ or ‘cleave unto’ in the place of ‘be joined to.’ Such an intimacy will never form, when they live with their parents and are willing to sacrifice their lives for the lives of their parents. Joint family system places such a high price on individual happiness and freedom. Though this tradition of joint family is breaking, it still drags its foot, as the parents cling to their children, not able to ‘let go off’ them, due to various reasons.

The growing financial independence of the girls and the consequent empowerment of the women add to the problem, creating marital discord. Girls are laying down their own rules in marriages now, including looking after her parents. Mostly it shows in the gender equation that she demands. The age old arrangement that men go to work, while women stayed at home and cooked for the family has gone for a toss. The working woman, demands rightly so, that the husband shares the house hold chores, just as she is sharing the burden of earning the bread for the family. When young husbands insist that the wife work outside, earn money and bring it home, as it helps them to have better standard of life, but also work at home in the kitchen and when the baby comes take care of the baby, then it becomes too much for the woman to bear such a burden. Though there has been some change in the attitudes of young men in the country, still traditional view prevails and many marriages end in trouble because of this.

Differences in financial status of the couples also create problems. As long as the man earns better than the female, all goes well; once the woman earns more than the man and enjoys a better standing in the society, the man’s ego is not able to take it. He suffers from inferiority complex and this ruffles feathers at home.  

Incompatibility is another reason for increasing divorces. When the couple hail from families with marked difference in social status, it becomes difficult for them to adjust to each other. The person from a better social status might look down on the other person and it creates lot of adjustment problems.

Some rush into marriage, because they are afraid they are getting older or because of parental pressures and then reap the consequences of such rash decisions.

When there is one or two of such reasons, it is difficult for a marriage to survive, but when many such factors combine, then the marriage is doomed to failure.

So what can be done about this? Do we just leave it as fait accompli, something to be accepted as the result of advancement and development? Or could something be done to save the marriages?

First thing to realize is, when God created the institution of marriage, He created it for the union of one man and one woman for life. They are ‘to cleave unto each other,’ and start a new family, which is the basic unit of society. It is for love, emotional security, companionship, sex and progeny. God hates divorce, says Malachi 2:16, as much as He hates violence. A man is to love his wife as if she is his own body and be willing to lay his life down for her, just as Jesus Christ laid his life for his followers. Ephesians 5:25. The wife is to love and respect her husband and submit to him. Ephesians 5:22.

What happens when this ideal situation does not prevail? When the husband turns abusive, physically and verbally and emotionally? Does the wife endure it in good faith? What is she to do when the husband is an alcoholic and abuses her physically and does not provide for the home? How do we face adultery within a marriage?

In all such cases, I would say, divorce is not to be rushed into. One must try counseling from the elders in the church, if one belongs to a church, or go to the marriage counselors of the secular world. One has to work at marriage to make it successful. So give it a try by trying to put some sense into the mind of the man or the woman, as the case may be. Going to court for frivolous issues seeking divorce is definitely not the right thing to do. One need to exhaust all remedial sources before one really gives up on marriage.

Jesus Christ had accepted divorce only in cases of sexual immorality, in Matthew 19:8. Still he forgave the woman caught in the very act of adultery. It is possible for the wronged party to forgive the spouse, who had erred and the marriage relationship can be restored. However, persistent abuse of any kind is not to be put up with and the final remedy is only separation, divorce.

In cases of parental interference, it is better if the parents could live separately, within close quarters, so that the young adults can keep a watch on them. They need to be extended monetary support, if required. In case the couple is not earning enough, and cannot afford to give the parents a separate household, then while they parents live with them, strict lines must be drawn beyond which their influence and interference will not cross. The man or the woman must support and stand for his or her spouse in case of any ill-treatment or ridicule or abuse from their respective parents. In no case parents should be allowed to come in between the couple.

Most of all, in the beginning itself, it is wiser to spend lot of time in selection of the bride or the bride groom. Careful selection, done prayerfully, will definitely lead to the selection of a good partner for life. Once married, it is utmost important to work at it to make it a success. Not only the couple benefits from such a union, but also the children of such union, get to grow in an atmosphere of love and care and turn to be emotionally secure adults, when they start their own families.

God bless marriages and make them strong and stable. 

Is it all Economics alone?

In my previous blogs I have been trying to analyze the formation of middle class in India and the repercussions such social movement in society have for family relationship. I am still continuing the same line, trying to fathom the complex human feelings and motives behind love. Is the love of parents for their children, revolve mainly around financial security under the garb of sacrificial love? Is this a rule in the lower middle classes and the ones who have just reached the upper middle classes by dint of hard work and merit? Do they have to pay such a heavy price in acknowledging the love and sacrifices meted out by parents? Is this a rule or exceptions to rule? Is it all money and pure economics that rules the roost or is there real love involved?

In Indian tradition it is the son who is preferred, mainly because of Hindu religious sentiments, which flow from Upanishads. Brhadaranyaka Upanishad in chapter 1, section 5, and verse 16 (1.5.16) mentions that,

“There are three worlds – the world of men, the world of manes and the world of gods. This world of men is attainable only through a son, not by anything else such as rites; the world of the manes through rites; and the world of the gods through meditation.”

According to the following verse 17, when the father thinks he is going to die, he can transfer any duties omitted by him to his son; the son releases him from all that omission. Therefore he is called a son. The son will now carry on the obligations of the father in this world. The root meaning of ‘Putra’ is, one who saves by fulfilling the omissions. Yaska, who wrote the Sanskrit dictionary called Nirupta says that son is the one who saves the father from going to the hell called ‘pum,’ by performing the required rituals, which a son alone can perform and hence a son is called ‘putra.’ This is how son preference arose in Hinduism and soon pervaded the every other community in the whole country.

It must be noted that the son takes over the liabilities of the father and any unfulfilled duties and undertakes to fulfill them. Son performing the funeral rituals will also free the father from the agony of going to hell. Strong reasons to prefer a son. Soon, it developed into sons taking care of his parents in old age and the property being passed on only to the son, because he is the one who will take care of the parents in their old age. A good and decent arrangement, I would say. When there is no property and only loans to be repaid, that also unfortunately revolves on the head of the son only. The daughter is seen as someone who will go to another family and is of no use to the parental family and consequently was not given much importance. Girls are also a burden, because they have to be given a dowry to be married, which again is the responsibility of the parents. For the rich and the resourceful this is not a problem, but for the middle class this becomes a major problem. As property is given only to the sons, daughters are given in lieu of property, dowry consisting of jewels and cash and materials at the time of marriage. Even if a property is given to the daughter the prime property is reserved for the sons. Of course, in case the father is not alive or not able to provide dowry, it becomes the duty of the grown up sons to sacrificially solemnize the marriage of their sisters, by incurring debts even. Very complicated indeed! On the top of it, even today in India, a boy cannot marry until his sisters are disposed off, by way of marriage, of course!

No wonder girls are not preferred in India. There is a phenomenon called as “the Missing Daughter” of India, due to female infanticide. The sex ration in India is around 927 females of every 1000 males, highly skewed against women. All these show very strongly the importance of money in family relationships. A son is preferred, because he is the old age insurance to parents and also, he will take over the liabilities of the father. Hence he is given priority in the family and he inherits the family property, if any. Girls are not wanted, because they are seen as costly, on whom money has to be spent, with no return in sight. Is this all not economics? Where is pure love or the sacrificial love in all this? The same mother, who is a goddess to her son, turns to be a demon to her daughter, and could easily kill her own daughter or destroy the self-confidence of her daughter and cripple her emotionally for life.

The incomprehensible thing is the same mothers and fathers, who felt so sad when the birth of a girl is announced in the family, are the ones loving their daughters so much these days, sometimes more than their sons even, because the daughters are earning good salaries and are more affectionate and loving in looking after their parents in old age. The cycle has turned a full circle! Again, is it money or love that rules these relationships? I wonder.

I also shouldn’t forget to mention the sons, who discard their parents and leave their widowed mothers in Vrindhavan, at the temple of Lord Krishna, who have to earn two ‘chappatties’ a day by singing ‘bajans’ the whole day. This is also not correct. When parents are old and infirm, and poor, with no financial help, it is the bounden duty of the children, both boys and girls to look after them. Similarly, when parents bring children into this world, it is their bounden duty to look after, love and cherish, educate and bring them up in a manner they can face the world as young adults. To bring them up to fulfill their selfish needs or requirements is a blot on parental-ship itself. Love has to be selfless to be called divine love and there has to be equity even in love. You cannot love one child more than the other within the same family. The emotional scars of such treatments remain for a life time.

As the boys and girls grow up, get educated and become employed, they better remember these truths and shape their lives accordingly. Parents need also to realize their duty and fulfill these without disparity and discrimination. And they must desist from interfering in the family lives of their children for their own selfish requirements. An individual born in this world has every right to equal treatment from birth onward. After all God created man and woman as equals, both in His image.

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27

Then why are human beings creating such unequal treatments from birth onward, and within the family, which is supposed to nourish and cherish the children, whatever their sex may be? Should money or economics be a part of love within a family? Points worthy of pondering and for taking necessary remedial measures.    

Interference from parents pushes couples towards divorce?

In the race to catch up with the rich and the affluent, parents in modern India sacrifice a lot to see that their children reach a better standard of living than what they had. They toil, go without luxuries and comforts for themselves, are thrifty and invest everything in the education of their children, these days both boys and girls. Of course most parents expect their children, once established in a good or better job than themselves, to turn and support them, not only in their old age, but also in their dreams to have a better housing or a better standard of living. This is where the problem starts.

When parents do not demand such ‘repayments’ from their children, but who are just happy to see their children doing well in life, and stay where they are with a good measure of satisfaction and contentment, the children themselves turn around and help them. In many cases where the children of rickshaw pullers and servant maids and coolie-workers have entered Information Technology workforce, or even IAS (Indian Administrative Service) or IIT (Indian Institute of Technology), adore their parents and see to that they are really taken care of. Many of such children, once they get a decent job, want to buy a two-wheeler or a car or build a house for their parents. With their first salary they usually honor their parents. Many support their younger siblings by educating them or marrying them off. That is good indeed.

The trouble arises when the parents demand riches or better standard of living for themselves, because they have educated and given that better life for their children, whether boy or girl. They demand it as their due for having invested in the future of their children. Especially in a country like India, which in spite of being the ninth in the list of countries in Gross Domestic Product (GDP), has a very low per capita income of only $5,760 per annum, standing 124^th rank among 185 countries. The social security net from government side is almost nil, whereas in the developed Western countries like USA, UK, Europe, Canada and some Eastern countries like Singapore, Australia and New Zealand, social security is so good that people are taken care almost from cradle to the grave. In the absence of government institutions and assistance in old age or in sudden sicknesses or calamities, it is natural for parents to look to their children for support.

The family system is so built in India that elders are to be respected and family is to be given priority, even more than the individual freedom or happiness, and a mother is looked up as god and almost worshiped, especially because of the many sacrifices she makes for her children. Mother’s sacrifices are even more towards the boys, because, in the traditional Indian society, it is demeaning to live under the support of daughters, but the sons have the responsibility for taking care of the parents. It is the right of the parents to demand such a care from the boys. From early childhood this discrimination starts and girls are neglected and boys are given all the privileges, better food, medical care, schooling and lots of love. Girl children are being abandoned even today, because parents have to give dowry to get them married and look after the first or all the deliveries of children and so on. Female foeticide is very common even today in India, especially in the rural areas. If they are not killed in infancy, then they are killed or burnt to death by husband’s mother and sisters, demanding higher dowry. Of course a lot has changed these days and many girls are educated equally and employed in good positions. This opens up another problem.

Once the children, boys or girls reach marriageable age, the tussle becomes more open. For the boys it is the eternal struggle between a demanding mother whom he worships, and the crying wife who has come into his life only recently, that too through an arranged marriage. Whom will he please, mother or the wife? Great dilemma for the boy! Usually mother wins hand down. Problems in marriage start, with mother and father interfering in the married life of the boys. Earlier, the young wives, were brought up in a traditional manner, whether they were working or not, and obeyed the mother-in-law, and put up with great misery and ill-treatment. Today’s girls just walk out and marriages break. Many cases I know personally, where boys in good positions staying alone after the break in the marriage, looking after their parent, sacrificing in their turn for the welfare of the parents. Many remarry and the saga continues. Only with the death of the parents relief comes to the poor daughter-in-law and the son himself.  A new life of love and understanding between the husband and wife starts only after that!

Girls being educated and in good jobs earning good money, has exposed girls also to similar manipulations. Parents are no longer shy of taking shelter in daughter’s houses, married or not. Many girls remain single and take care of their parents. Most marry, and then starts the interference in the married life by parents, and very soon the husband throws the towel or just the marriage breaks. These days’ boys are open to wives looking after their parents and do hospital duties for the father-in law or the mother-in-law, as the case may be.

There is nothing wrong in boys or girls looking after their parents. It is their duty to do so. But the parents are so selfish, they want the love or the earnings or the comforts provided by their earning children, they interfere and make a mess of their children’s lives. The love with which they bind their sons or daughters, become an iron cage for these newly married couples. They are not able to break away from the love of their mothers or fathers. They are not able to stand up for their wives or husbands as the case may be. They suffer, not knowing why and the parents tighten the noose around the children, knowing full well what they are doing, but being blinded by their own needs, and to the need of a happy family life of their children. They project their rights on the boy or the girl, because they had invested in their education or job. It is a pity, which can well be avoided.

Once two adults, man and woman, marry, through arranged or love marriage, they form a unit and start a new family together. They must be left alone to learn to be adults, understand and start to love their partners and to take up the responsibilities of taking care of their children. When both are working, it is a great help if parents or the parent-in-laws are present to look after the children. But this comes with a great price. Frequent quarrels and admonitions and tears do not auger well for the small children. They carry such emotional baggage resulting from such scenes well into their adult hood and suffer great damages. Love and understanding takes time to develop. Before it could develop, parents interfere and love has no chance of developing between the two.

In Bible it is written,

“Therefore a man (or woman) shall leave his (her) father and mother and be joined to his wife (her husband), and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24. Jesus Christ endorsed this principle in Matthew 19:4 and added

“Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Let them live and learn the nuances of living in this world. Take off your hands, parents and relatives. Let them learn by making mistakes, doesn’t matter, they will learn. Extend support and advice if asked for, otherwise just keep off. There has been too much of suffering in the world because of this. Parents must learn that children’s’ lives are not mortgaged to them; they have a future of their own. Children, stand for your rights, but at the same time support you parents in their needs. Neglecting parents to suffer in penury, while children are relaxing in luxury is not correct. Neither is right to let parents interfere in the affairs of your life. It belongs to you and your wife or husband as the case may be. Protect it jealously and safeguard it lest vested interests break it. Both the parties, parents and young adults have a lot to learn. Selfishness alone should not decide the matters. Love and goodness and large bigheartedness are all required.  

The Agony and Ecstasy of the Middle Class in India!

In India, traditionally, as elsewhere, there were only two classes, the ruling class or the aristocracy and the poor, who included the laborers, small farmers and the artisans and the landless, shall we say in the language of Karl Marx, the working class. There was an in between class called Jamindars or the tax-collectors, owing allegiance to the King and collecting land revenue on King’s behalf from the farmers. They also rounded off as money lenders of last resort to the hard pressed farmer, especially when the monsoon failed or some other calamity struck. The king and his nobles and the aristocratic classes were the ones who set the fashion, bought the hand-crafted articles made by the artisans, giving them a market and generally gave employment to the poor and the workers, by way of their life-style. There was no middle class. This was the scenario when the Hindu kings rules the country, called Bharat (not India, for India was a later concept that developed during British times), and this more or less continued during the Mughal period, excepting that the aristocracy constituted Muslim nobles and their equivalents. And this continued also during the British rule for a long time.

Then the British introduced three concepts: one, English education and education for all; and secondly, opening up of the lower levels of government employment to all Indians without discrimination of caste, creed or color and thirdly, throwing open access to law courts to all citizens under the British Empire in India. These three measures brought in a sea change in the country. The out-castes among the Hindus, who constituted the majority of the poor in the land, were the Dalits. The last caste or class of the Hindu hierarchy was Sudras and they constituted a mixture of many castes and color, but were also equally poor and only slightly better off than the Dalits, in social and economical status. It is this group that greatly benefited by these egalitarian measures introduced by the British and surged ahead, of course not so equal to the first three caste communities, who were already forward and went further ahead benefiting from the English education and the job opportunities. This would form the bulk of the middle class in India later on.

Under the British rule, during the turn of the twentieth century, the Brahmins and other the upper classes, having undergone good education, were highly resentful that they should be denied access to the highest civil service of the land, the Indian Civil Service (ICS). Politically awakened, but still under the protégé of British government, they formed Indian National Congress (INC), mainly to agitate and get favors and concessions from the rulers and not so much as to get freedom for the country. This was the beginning of a minuscule of an enlightened and educated middle class in India. The poor masses remained poor and plenty, as usual. It was Gandhi, who on his return from South Africa after a successful Non-cooperation movement there, galvanized the masses in India under the banner of Freedom struggle and thus empowered the poor, the nameless and faceless masses of India.

All over the world the middle class had been the cause of major revolutions. The French Revolution which shook the world was driven by the French middle class. The moneyed middle class in Europe is credited with powering the Industrial Revolution. There had never been any great revolutions in India, during her long and checkered history, mainly because people were lulled into believing that their status in the present life was due to the wrong deeds or good deeds (karma theory) done in the past lives and hence they have to accept the present situation without any murmur, and do well the allotted duties of that status, so that in the next life they can hope to upgrade their status to a higher caste (reincarnation theory). Even the Freedom struggle was not a revolution, but only a mass agitation, employing the democratic forms of dissent and agitation, learnt from their rulers and employed cleverly against them! That was the ingenuity of Gandhi.

It was in the independent India that the real middle class developed. Education opportunities were open to all, without distinction of caste or class or creed and the bulk of the down trodden got educated. They were empowered. Caste and class distinctions started to melt away at least in the urban areas. Today’s Information technology (IT) crowd one sees in metropolitan cities like Bangalore or Chennai are these empowered middle class, who are educated, employed, open to progressive ideas and raising their voice against any violation or injustice in the society. Not that they are fully empowered or awakened, but they are there, unmistakably, a power to reckon with. It is this middle class with purchasing power that the Multi-National Companies eye with interest to sell their wares, in the consumerist globalized capitalistic market.

The middle class is not without its woes. They are intermediate to the rich, aristocracy of yester years and above the very poor and laboring class. They really are the professional class – doctors, engineers, teachers, IT professionals and so on. They have their middle class morality, in that they emphasis education as an escape route from poverty; they work hard in their profession to come up in life; They desire for social respectability, and material wealth; importance is given to family. One will see strict authoritarian fathers who enforced discipline and morals. The very rich have no need for morals and the very poor cannot afford the luxury of morals, but the middle class live by their morals.

It is from here all problems start; within the middle class we can distinguish lower middle class, middle-middle class and the upper middle class. The lower middle class has just emerged from the poor strata and must work hard to go up in the social ladder; so the pressure on children to study well, get good marks, so they can get into some good schools and colleges and work their way to a professional course; financial struggles as the father educates the children, with the mother also working or not working, are enormous; sacrifices by the parents are a plenty, just to see that the next generation climbs up the next ladder in the society. There is struggle for survival and not much enlightened minds or thinking over there.

The next middle position is just that – a middle rung. The struggle is still there and all the above characteristics are reinforced. It is only in the next rung of upper middle class, the necessity to keep afloat recedes and people get some time to think and develop their potentials in various ways – they have the leisure and time and money to indulge themselves in what they want to do and an open mind develops with reading habits and frequent exposure to foreign culture and countries. Artists, writers, educationists, reformers, innovators, adventurists, all develop. But what a struggle it had been to reach up to this strata! Also independence of both the sexes develop as well as financial independence of women and many families end up in divorce, without having the will to adjust and put up with the infirmities of characters of both the genders. Stress, suicidal tendencies, depression, anxiety disorders, loneliness, addictions and many other emotional turmoil develop and afflict the rich and the powerful. Was it all worth it? One wonders!

The agonies to catch up with the rest and the ecstasies of having caught up, but with numerous side effects, is that the destiny of human progression and development? It need not necessarily be so.

More about it later; I think we need to take a break here. Good bye friends, until the next blog.  

      

Why didn’t God accept Cain’s Sacrifice?

In my previous blog on Cain I was concentrating on where and how he found his wife, and that there were no other people or race other than the descendants of Adam and Eve on earth. I didn't delve into why Cain’s sacrifice was not accepted.  Some have raised this point and it is quite a valid doubt too. In this blog I will try and address this issue.

For clarifying such doubts we need to go back to Bible itself, the written word. In Genesis 4:7 (NKJV), prior to Cain killing his brother Abel, God tells Cain, 'If you do well, will you not be accepted? "This hints that Cain didn't do well. In what manner he didn't do well, we are not given. It is definitely not because Cain didn't offer animal sacrifice, as some people interpret. It might not be also because he didn't do it with a clean heart. He didn't do well something, which God had prescribed. We can only guess at this juncture. It could be a rule, a procedure or method of offering the sacrifice. NIV translates this verse as 'If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?' Again it is clear that Cain didn't do something 'right.' What is it, we do not know exactly, but we can presume what it could be, based on similar passages elsewhere in the Bible. 

In another place in the Biblical narrative, it is written that God struck down dead Uzzah, who touched the Ark of the Covenant, which was being transported in a bullock cart. When the oxen stumbled, he put his hands to steady the Ark, and in the process he touched the Ark. God killed him off in an instant. Why? Because God had prescribed a method by which Ark should be transported - only by two long poles placed on the shoulder of the Levites. The Ark had four rings of gold on its four corners. Two poles were made, overlaid with gold, and the commandment was “You shall put the poles into the rings on the sides of the ark, that the ark may be carried by them.” Exodus 25:14. The poles were not to be removed from the ark at any time. The ark was important because in it were laid the Ten Commandments, carved on the two tablets of stone, the Testament. On the top of the Ark was the Mercy Seat made of pure gold. And that is from where God of Israel met His people, including Moses. Hence the Ark was most holy and was placed in the Most Holy chamber of the Tabernacle or the Temple.

While transporting the Ark, David committed the mistake of carrying it in a cart. The next time it was being transported, David did according to the prescribed procedure, and no one was hurt. (see 2 Samuel 6:3-7, 12-13). If you apply this analogy, Cain might have done something wrong in the way he offered his sacrifice. Definitely, if he had waited and corrected his method, his sacrifice also would have been accepted, for God says in Genesis 4:7, 'If you do well, will you not be accepted?' Cain didn't have the patience, but acted hastily, taking the law into his own hands.

Again see Hebrew 11:4, where it is said, 'By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain,...' (NKJV) In what way it was excellent, we do not know. NIV puts it as 'By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did, ...' Better sacrifice, because of the animal sacrifice which Abel offered or because his attitude was better and more acceptable, we do not know. We can only presume. It was what Abel believed and not what he offered that must have made the difference. Or may be, it is just that Abel offered the sacrifice in the manner prescribed, in the manner it was acceptable to God. The real meaning is hidden, but we can always guess and take a stand according to Biblical study of similar passages, incidents and by consulting a few translations. The Holy Spirit will always enlighten us as to the truth. 

The other doubt is, Cain could have committed the murder at the spur of the moment and that it was not a premeditated offence. Genesis 4:5 tells us that Cain was very angry and his face fell, when his offering was not accepted by God. On observing his fallen face, God warns him not to brood over it thus, because it is sin and it will overpower him. In Genesis 4:7, He says, “If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.” Cain was definitely contemplating what to do to avenge himself. He was jealous and angry. It led him astray. Next verse says that Cain talked with Abel and when they were together in the field, he rose against his brother Abel and killed him. This does not appear as done on the spur of the moment. He talked with his brother, still he couldn't contain himself, he was burning with jealousy, and he rose against Abel and killed him. When you ruminate a matter in your mind for long, some action plan develops in your mind and you act accordingly. This is what Jesus meant in Matthew 5:28, when he said, even if you look at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery. Thinking leads to a plan and action follows. That is why God warned Cain to overcome his wrong thinking, the sin, before it could overpower him. But Cain let the sin overpower him. 

We cannot say that God wanted Cain to kill Abel and so He created such a scenario. Why would God do that? Even if He did, what did he get out of it? What was the benefit to Him or to mankind? Nothing. God warns Cain because God knew what was in Cain's mind and warns him that he must overpower the sin that is crouching at his doorstep. God knows everything, past, present and future. But He has given human beings free will to make our own choices. We cannot blame God for the decisions we make and the consequences we suffer because of our decisions. God warns us, but if we do not heed it, but go ahead and commit mistakes and even horrible sins like murder, we cannot blame God for it. God never tempts us or makes us do wrong things. James 1:13-15. He never asked Eve to eat the forbidden apple, but warned them not to touch it. But she went ahead; they ate it, and reaped the consequences.

However, God being merciful does not punish us as we should be. He only cursed Cain to be a vagabond on the face of the earth. Even there, when Cain cried out saying it is a heavy punishment, God comes to his rescue, by putting a sign on him, so that others won't kill him. Moreover, God makes "all things work together for good to those who love God, ..." Romans 8:28, and God brings good out of the mess we make in this world of His. So we can never blame God thus. Our God is not that type of a god, who pinches the baby and rock the cradle. He is trustworthy, fair, just and merciful. It is His character that we put our trust in and not anything else. He is our Rock. 

Battling Negative Thoughts

Have you ever been under the assault of negative thoughts? These thoughts could scare you, trouble you, and give you anxious and nervous moments. It used to happen to me on daily basis, though much less in intensity and frequency these days.

Long time back, when I was still new to car driving, it used to occur to me that all the cars coming up in the opposite direction are coming straight at me! But for the voice of the Holy Spirit from within me assuring me that they are not, and that I should keep on driving, I would have been a nervous wreck! Such thoughts do not come to me any longer as I drive my car, may be because I am good at it now. So did fear cause such thoughts to come to mind?

One Sunday afternoon, some 10-12 years back, when my son was still in Bangalore, doing his Bachelor in Engineering (BE), we went for shopping as usual and he was driving the car. I went out of the car to pick up some eggs and on return opened the door and sat in the front seat next to him. I let out a whelp, as the thought came to my mind that I had just sat on a bunch of eggs, but I had not! From where did that thought come?

Even recently, when there was a pain in my left foot in the bone near my big toe, I started to imagine that it is a case of excess calcium and bone growth in that region, needing frequent operations to remove the growth and panicked for a moment. Such is the power of negative thoughts or imaginations that sometimes what you fear really comes to be and you then wonder. Sounds familiar?

The question is why does this happen to us? How do these worrying thoughts come to our minds? People end up getting wrong suggestions, wild imaginations about some impending doom, mental picturing of an argument with a friend, leading to a break in the relationship, some health issues and so many such negative thoughts. Do they come as sudden thoughts from within us? Or does someone else put such thoughts in our minds? I am not referring here to cases of acute depression or schizophrenia, or Bipolar disorder. I am talking about what normal people go through in everyday life.

Rebacca Brown, who has written two great books on Spiritual Warfare, mentions that these negative suggestions are made by demonic forces. We think that these are our own thoughts and we act upon them, leading to usually bad and disastrous consequences. According to her, demons cannot read out thoughts or what is going on in our minds, but are experts in implanting unwanted thoughts in our minds. That is another reason why we are asked to rebuke demons aloud, so that they know what we are saying.

It could also happen because of our temperaments. Human beings in their psychological make-up are made in a certain way, so we see many personality types. Of course it depends mainly on our genes and genetic make-up. Some are Sanguine types, and are outgoing, ever cheerful, ever optimistic, wanting always to be in the company of people and moved suddenly by emotions either to cry or to laugh aloud, but they are quite shallow in their feelings. Such people are the centre of any party or group usually. 

Some are Choleric and are born leaders, enthusiastic, strong–willed, self-disciplined with great ambitions and are successful in their professional work. They are also very self-sufficient and independent. On the flip side they could be opinionated and very stubborn.

Then we have Melancholic types, who are moody, reserved, wanting to be alone and withdrawn, and a pessimist. They have morbid introspection tendencies and are usually self-centered. But they are perfectionists, having higher standards of excellence and are quite creative and gifted. They are dependent and are loyal in relationships.

The last being Phlegmatic, is the lazy guy, who hates to work, but loves to recline and rest, usually have no ambition, but are efficient as they work slowly but persevere in what they do.

One could be a mix of two types or more of one type and less of another type or a mix of more than two types. Whether one is pessimistic or optimistic, plagues by negative thoughts or bright and cheerful thoughts, will also depend on their personality type. It is good to find out your personality type, for then you know why you behave in a certain manner in a given situation and not like another person, who behaves entirely in a different manner given the same situation. It is good for parents to know the personality type of their children so that they understand them better, and know how to deal with them.

Now coming back to our problem of negative thoughts what do you do when you are plagues by such thoughts? What is the remedy?

For one thing, we can refuse to accept such thoughts and replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. As Jesus said in Matthew 16:23, you can also say aloud, “Get behind me Satan!” You can add further, “I will not take this nonsense from you!’

Norman Vincent Peale’s books on positive thinking were so very popular in the 60s and 70s, but a more reliable guide I have found out is the Holy Spirit who comes to abide in you, the moment you accept Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and the Lord of your life. There is a beautiful verse in the Bible, Isaiah 30:21, which says,

“Whether you turn to the left or to the right, your ears will hear a voice from behind you saying, ‘This is the way; walk in it.’”

The Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, will lead you in the right path and in the right thinking, as long as you yield to Him.

Another wonderful promise, which is powerful to ward off the negative thoughts is, 2 Timothy 1:7,

‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.’

This verse when repeated acts as a great moral booster, for God’s words have power. We do consider Bible as the Word of God, don’t we? I resort to this medicine often and it works wonders.

Lastly, the verse, 1 John 4:4 assures us that

“He who is in you is greater than the he who is in the world.”

The one in the world, ruling the Fallen world is Satan, the chief of the demons; the one in your heart is the Holy Spirit, the very Spirit of God and the One in the Triune God.

What more do we need to fight the negative thoughts? We have the promises, assurances and the presence of the Holy Spirit within us, as effective weapons to fight and overcome this plague of negative thoughts and emerge victorious in our lives. God grant you victory.  

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[1] Rebecca Brown, “He Comes to set the Captives Free,’ 1986 and ‘Prepare for War,’1997.