Is it all Economics alone?

In my previous blogs I have been trying to analyze the formation of middle class in India and the repercussions such social movement in society have for family relationship. I am still continuing the same line, trying to fathom the complex human feelings and motives behind love. Is the love of parents for their children, revolve mainly around financial security under the garb of sacrificial love? Is this a rule in the lower middle classes and the ones who have just reached the upper middle classes by dint of hard work and merit? Do they have to pay such a heavy price in acknowledging the love and sacrifices meted out by parents? Is this a rule or exceptions to rule? Is it all money and pure economics that rules the roost or is there real love involved?

In Indian tradition it is the son who is preferred, mainly because of Hindu religious sentiments, which flow from Upanishads. Brhadaranyaka Upanishad in chapter 1, section 5, and verse 16 (1.5.16) mentions that,

“There are three worlds – the world of men, the world of manes and the world of gods. This world of men is attainable only through a son, not by anything else such as rites; the world of the manes through rites; and the world of the gods through meditation.”

According to the following verse 17, when the father thinks he is going to die, he can transfer any duties omitted by him to his son; the son releases him from all that omission. Therefore he is called a son. The son will now carry on the obligations of the father in this world. The root meaning of ‘Putra’ is, one who saves by fulfilling the omissions. Yaska, who wrote the Sanskrit dictionary called Nirupta says that son is the one who saves the father from going to the hell called ‘pum,’ by performing the required rituals, which a son alone can perform and hence a son is called ‘putra.’ This is how son preference arose in Hinduism and soon pervaded the every other community in the whole country.

It must be noted that the son takes over the liabilities of the father and any unfulfilled duties and undertakes to fulfill them. Son performing the funeral rituals will also free the father from the agony of going to hell. Strong reasons to prefer a son. Soon, it developed into sons taking care of his parents in old age and the property being passed on only to the son, because he is the one who will take care of the parents in their old age. A good and decent arrangement, I would say. When there is no property and only loans to be repaid, that also unfortunately revolves on the head of the son only. The daughter is seen as someone who will go to another family and is of no use to the parental family and consequently was not given much importance. Girls are also a burden, because they have to be given a dowry to be married, which again is the responsibility of the parents. For the rich and the resourceful this is not a problem, but for the middle class this becomes a major problem. As property is given only to the sons, daughters are given in lieu of property, dowry consisting of jewels and cash and materials at the time of marriage. Even if a property is given to the daughter the prime property is reserved for the sons. Of course, in case the father is not alive or not able to provide dowry, it becomes the duty of the grown up sons to sacrificially solemnize the marriage of their sisters, by incurring debts even. Very complicated indeed! On the top of it, even today in India, a boy cannot marry until his sisters are disposed off, by way of marriage, of course!

No wonder girls are not preferred in India. There is a phenomenon called as “the Missing Daughter” of India, due to female infanticide. The sex ration in India is around 927 females of every 1000 males, highly skewed against women. All these show very strongly the importance of money in family relationships. A son is preferred, because he is the old age insurance to parents and also, he will take over the liabilities of the father. Hence he is given priority in the family and he inherits the family property, if any. Girls are not wanted, because they are seen as costly, on whom money has to be spent, with no return in sight. Is this all not economics? Where is pure love or the sacrificial love in all this? The same mother, who is a goddess to her son, turns to be a demon to her daughter, and could easily kill her own daughter or destroy the self-confidence of her daughter and cripple her emotionally for life.

The incomprehensible thing is the same mothers and fathers, who felt so sad when the birth of a girl is announced in the family, are the ones loving their daughters so much these days, sometimes more than their sons even, because the daughters are earning good salaries and are more affectionate and loving in looking after their parents in old age. The cycle has turned a full circle! Again, is it money or love that rules these relationships? I wonder.

I also shouldn’t forget to mention the sons, who discard their parents and leave their widowed mothers in Vrindhavan, at the temple of Lord Krishna, who have to earn two ‘chappatties’ a day by singing ‘bajans’ the whole day. This is also not correct. When parents are old and infirm, and poor, with no financial help, it is the bounden duty of the children, both boys and girls to look after them. Similarly, when parents bring children into this world, it is their bounden duty to look after, love and cherish, educate and bring them up in a manner they can face the world as young adults. To bring them up to fulfill their selfish needs or requirements is a blot on parental-ship itself. Love has to be selfless to be called divine love and there has to be equity even in love. You cannot love one child more than the other within the same family. The emotional scars of such treatments remain for a life time.

As the boys and girls grow up, get educated and become employed, they better remember these truths and shape their lives accordingly. Parents need also to realize their duty and fulfill these without disparity and discrimination. And they must desist from interfering in the family lives of their children for their own selfish requirements. An individual born in this world has every right to equal treatment from birth onward. After all God created man and woman as equals, both in His image.

“So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” Genesis 1:27

Then why are human beings creating such unequal treatments from birth onward, and within the family, which is supposed to nourish and cherish the children, whatever their sex may be? Should money or economics be a part of love within a family? Points worthy of pondering and for taking necessary remedial measures.